Cockroach and Cat Litter

Once again, I bring you a transcript of a very disturbing run while you can! chat I had with Jodi Meadows. Read at your own risk.



Jodi Meadows: AND NOW A BUG KILLED ITSELF IN MY ORANGE JUICE


C.J. Redwine: GROSS

Jodi Meadows: I have possibly the grossest story ever to tell you

C.J. Redwine: that is exactly the reason why I cannot drink without looking in my glass

Jodi Meadows: it does involve bugs

C.J. Redwine: OH NO

Jodi Meadows: (yeah, I always look)

C.J. Redwine: *gags preemptorily*

C.J. Redwine: bring it

Jodi Meadows: okay

Jodi Meadows: so it all starts on Thursday night

Jodi Meadows: at my mom's

Jodi Meadows: My brother and I are in the kitchen cleaning up

Jodi Meadows: and he jumps back

Jodi Meadows: and shrieks

Jodi Meadows: (my brother is not what you'd call a manly boy)

Jodi Meadows: because a GIANT COCKROACH just crawled under the ledge of the counter

Jodi Meadows: we both try to destroy it

Jodi Meadows: but it escapes into the crevice between the dishwasher and the counter

Jodi Meadows: we admit defeat

Jodi Meadows: but LATER

Jodi Meadows: one of the cats starts staring at the ceiling

Jodi Meadows: and I see THE COCKROACH on the ceiling

Jodi Meadows: fortunately I have an empty cup

Jodi Meadows: so I get on a chair, grab a napkin, and trap it in the cup

Jodi Meadows: and then toss it outside

Jodi Meadows: (I can't squash them. I can't take the crunch)

Jodi Meadows: and then I think all is well

Jodi Meadows: FAST FORWARD TO FRIDAY

C.J. Redwine: crunch is bad

Jodi Meadows: Mom and I are in her bathroom brushing our teeth

Jodi Meadows: everything is great

C.J. Redwine: oh please no

Jodi Meadows: my teeth are clean

Jodi Meadows: it's wonderful

C.J. Redwine: gag gag gag already

Jodi Meadows: and then I get the cup that I'd been keeping my toothbrush in (bristles down)

Jodi Meadows: and using to rinse with..

C.J. Redwine: GAG GAG

Jodi Meadows: AND THERE IT IS

C.J. Redwine: STOP

Jodi Meadows: IN THE CUP

C.J. Redwine: I'M BEGGING YOU

C.J. Redwine: OMG

C.J. Redwine: HOLY VOMIT

Jodi Meadows: SNUGGLING UP TO MY TOOTHBRUSH

C.J. Redwine: AIDOHEIOANIOEW8U3029UR09 J

Jodi Meadows: WHICH I'D ALREADY USED

C.J. Redwine: YOU JUST KILLED ME

C.J. Redwine: DEAD

Jodi Meadows: COCKROACH COOTIES ON

Jodi Meadows: MY

Jodi Meadows: TEETH

Jodi Meadows: ON

Jodi Meadows: MY

Jodi Meadows: TONGUE

C.J. Redwine: did you puke?

Jodi Meadows: YES

C.J. Redwine: because I would totally puke

C.J. Redwine: I'm puking NOW

C.J. Redwine: on your behalf

Jodi Meadows: me too

Jodi Meadows: gag

Jodi Meadows: gag gag

C.J. Redwine: aaaaahhhhhhh

Jodi Meadows: I YELPED

Jodi Meadows: and trapped it

C.J. Redwine: my tongue doesn't know what to do with my teeth!

Jodi Meadows: and took it outside again

C.J. Redwine: blech blech

C.J. Redwine: JODI

Jodi Meadows: and then rinsed with peroxide

C.J. Redwine: KILL THE COCKROACH

C.J. Redwine: KILL IT

Jodi Meadows: THAT IS WHAT MY MOM SAID WHEN I GOT BACK

Jodi Meadows: SHE SAID WHY DIDN'T YOU PUT IT DOWN THE TOILET

C.J. Redwine: see???

C.J. Redwine: drown the sucker

Jodi Meadows: AND I SAID BC AT MY HOUSE, ONLY POOP GOES DOWN THE TOILET

Jodi Meadows: I HAVE A SEPTIC

Jodi Meadows: AND I ALWAYS FORGET

C.J. Redwine: did it lay eggs on your toothbrush, do you think?

C.J. Redwine: is helpful*

Jodi Meadows: GROSS

C.J. Redwine: you're going to unfriend me on FB now, aren't you?

Jodi Meadows: I PUT PEROXIDE IN MY MOUTH

C.J. Redwine: it whitens teeth!

Jodi Meadows: yes!

C.J. Redwine: and kills cockroach eggs!

Jodi Meadows: and then I brushed again with a new brush

C.J. Redwine: darn it, now I'm all gaggy and pukey

Jodi Meadows: I warned you

C.J. Redwine: I will tell you a story in return

C.J. Redwine: BRACE YOURSELF

Jodi Meadows: oh man

C.J. Redwine: this is worse

C.J. Redwine: because of the insidious nature

Jodi Meadows: (the cup was dark blue, otherwise I would have seen the sucker)

C.J. Redwine: of my parental unit

C.J. Redwine: well, there's your problem

C.J. Redwine: CLEAR CUPS, JODI

Jodi Meadows: YES
C.J. Redwine: ok, so

Jodi Meadows: your story

C.J. Redwine: my parents have multiple cats

C.J. Redwine: and after I moved out to go to college, somehow the cat box ended up in our bathroom

C.J. Redwine: right below the window against the wall

C.J. Redwine: which is fine

C.J. Redwine: my sister was the only one using the bathroom and she could use my counter

Jodi Meadows: oh

C.J. Redwine: my mom told me this story YEARS after it happened

C.J. Redwine: which is disturbing

C.J. Redwine: because WHAT STORIES ISN'T SHE TELLING ME?

C.J. Redwine: anyway, she told me she was cleaning the bathroom

C.J. Redwine: and she accidentally knocked my sister's toothbrush INTO THE CATBOX

Jodi Meadows: ...

Jodi Meadows: WHAT

C.J. Redwine: what would you do with said toothbrush?

Jodi Meadows: THROW IT AWAY

Jodi Meadows: THROW

Jodi Meadows: IT

Jodi Meadows: AWAY

Jodi Meadows: IT IS TAINTED

C.J. Redwine: of course!

C.J. Redwine: NOT MY MOTHER

C.J. Redwine: she WASHED it and PUT IT BACK

Jodi Meadows: DEFILED

Jodi Meadows: NOOOOOO

Jodi Meadows: NO NO NO GROSSSSSS

C.J. Redwine: and didn't tell my sister!

C.J. Redwine: !!!!

Jodi Meadows: D:

C.J. Redwine: so of course, I begin to scroll back through my ENTIRE CHILDHOOD

C.J. Redwine: and wonder

Jodi Meadows: RIGHT???

C.J. Redwine: how many times did MY toothbrush get washed and put back?

C.J. Redwine: HOW MANY, JODI?

Jodi Meadows: AT LEAST FIVE

C.J. Redwine: the bathroom grout was always clean

C.J. Redwine: now I find that suspicous!

Jodi Meadows: probably a reason for that

C.J. Redwine: I finally told my sister

C.J. Redwine: she didn't take it well
Jodi Meadows: seriously

Jodi Meadows: GAG

C.J. Redwine: now I don't know what to do with my mouth

C.J. Redwine: if I open it, I gag

C.J. Redwine: this is your fault

C.J. Redwine: this is like the time I felt a spider on my face at night

C.J. Redwine: and panicked and slapped it GOD KNOWS WHERE

Jodi Meadows: AGAHHHH

C.J. Redwine: and then I was terrified to sleep because where did it go?

C.J. Redwine: those suckers hold a grudge

Jodi Meadows: INDEED

C.J. Redwine: what if it crawled into my mouth?

C.J. Redwine: up my nose?

Jodi Meadows: we know how those things go

C.J. Redwine: oh yes

Jodi Meadows: O__O

C.J. Redwine: lay eggs in my brain
Jodi Meadows: OMC

Jodi Meadows: that's where defiance came from!

C.J. Redwine: one day I sneeze and BAM! spiders

C.J. Redwine: ahahahahaha

C.J. Redwine: yes!

C.J. Redwine: spider in the brain

C.J. Redwine: Incarnate came from cockroach in the mouth

Jodi Meadows: BRAIN SPIDER

C.J. Redwine: *pukes*

Jodi Meadows: GAHHH

C.J. Redwine: *gags*

C.J. Redwine: revisits dinner*

C.J. Redwine: why do you do this to me?

Jodi Meadows: I don't know

Jodi Meadows: I'm sorry
C.J. Redwine: this is a blog post

C.J. Redwine: you realize this
 
There you have it. That's what I did with my Friday night ...